emmotional dumping ground

Wat the hell is going on with this month?
everyone is either pissing me off, or is pissed off with me.
What's this month?
BTW, i m not PMS-y.
I was fricking coolheaded until i heard something.
I was snapped @ yesterday cas someone had a misunderstanding.
Y is that person allowed to talk in a high pitch tone when that person is pissed.
And I m not.
When I talk in a high pitch tone, I m pissing that person off...
apparently, 'i m yelling on the phone'
When I wanna share something about my day, i get a fricking look, like, 'do i look like i care? y is she even talking to me about this? i dun understand why is she so worked up about it?'
I won something, i dont get a congras...but a sarcasm remark like yea yea...u guys lost even though u tie...
But when someone wins, I m fricking congragulating the person about it...u did great and all.
When I m cranky, I don't tell the person, i wun talk to u, cas i m in a bad mood.
When that person is pissed off, i m not allowed to continue talking cas it would irritate that person.
When that person calls, i go n meet that person, no matter how pissed off or how tired i m.
But when i want to meet, i'm busy, i m going out with so n so.
When that person has got assignments n project stuff n sports things going on, he wont meet me. cas he is busy...trying to find time for me. but he can go JB. when he goes JB, i ask something, i dun get it. but when someone else doesn't even bother to ask that person. he gets it willing.
Wow...
Looking @ this, where is my stand?
Worse than a friend. bloody hell, when i go JB, i get what that person wants without even asking. When I do that, That person matters to me, but apparently that 'someone' matters to that fool more. I think the world of him.N he thinks of nothing of me.
If i m not at some place on time of place i meet, i m late. even though its a few mins...
but if that someone is late, its ok...just 10mins wat, u always late one wat...
I dont mind hearing it once in a while...but hearing it every time i tell that person that...i have to be UNDERSTANDING.

Now i understand something, giving person time wouldn't do anything.
u need to settle it.
If that person shows attitude, it means that person is apparently busy.
when i show, that person says, i was pissed off yesterday.

What do u tell a person by doing all this?
What is ur establishment?
After being pissed off for so long, one of my guy friends told me, 'simple, he wants to break up but he doesn't want it to be his fault, or him initiating the break up.
fuck it..
everytime this happens, its like a cut in my heart.

...

How come a guy can be so into a first month anniversary n subsequently forget about!?
It irritates me somuch. That we are not closes.
Haiz...how irritating.
He is in camp...
n i m stuck at home...
with wedding to attend to. and I want him to accompany me.
But he is not...
I m going alone.
How pathetic...
I want him to accompany me.
I miss him. When he came over two nights ago, we just sat in front of the TV, not talking. N he said, he wanted to rest, he slept on my thighs.
I want to talk...But he was too tired...
HAIZ....i miss him...I wanna meet him... :-(


Now, Captain's ball.
I m so into it..So wanna win.

WOMAN ARE NOT SICK

Stop saying that woman are sick.
We so are not.
Men are so much like idiots.
They do not like their woman going out
with their guy friends.
No contacts with ex bf...fine, then why do u keep in touch with urs?

Get a life...
u should.

HIM

Why does everyone ask me where is he? Has he come online? Did he tell you this or did he tell u tht!? I'm sick and tired of hearing this. If he wants to come online, he can jolly well come online...if he doesn't, i m cool with it... It's tiring to wait for someone online, when u have no f...ing idea if they are gonna be online... Wht the hell have i gotten myself into!?

Why didn't i use my damn brain? Online relationships suck! Firstly, it's fake, online relationship...Secondly, you've to wait to talk to the person, unlike a real relationship, u can jolly well call the person. Meet the person... Talking about meeting... I m going over to his town, and he knws tht...Guess wht he says, i m not sure if i m going to be here when u come down, I might be outta town... Wow...if u dont wanna meet me, just f...ing hell say it! I'm cool..End it... End this frickin misery that u are causing me to feel. I dont want to feel tht anymore... Leave me....

When he's online, i dont want to say any of this...I just wanna enjoy the moment... that he is online....He's hardly gonna be online... So let him be...online... I know i m being very selfish and all...but this is me...HE knows that i get pissed off when he's not online... but now...Wow...

I dont give two shits if he has a gal in that town... Wanna know why!? ITS JUST F...ING ONLINE....I cant say much....i m spending the minority part of his time...unlike his so-called gf there....This is so pissing off...

caz i wanted to send him something for Valentine's day, but he said people would talk...traditional thoughts and all... i was like cool... he doesnt bother to explain to me about his life...he just lemme tell him about my day...that's it! he doesnt share anything about his life...


Thnxs for making me feel this way....But wht to do, this heart is still so bent on loving u despite hating u so f...ing much!!!!

Ha...today i woke up feeling lousy...damn lousy...felt like as though i was competent enough to be in nursing. Went to work...I just wish they would teach us how to be SN from geron...so that we wont get a super heart attack during PRCP. At least slowly ah...I feel like we are still are in yr 2...

Today one of the Lecturers, Ms T, said, if you make a small mistake during PRCP, you will fail...She gave an eg;

1)if you keep going to back to get your equipment during PRCP....you'll fail.

2)If you don't clean the catheter site, you'll fail.

3) if you dunno the indications of the drugs you fail!


How many more things can they make be afraid of? We feel more stressed out now then during our exams!!! I feel so stressed out and I am posted to a new hospital. I have not admission in that hospital and by PRCP,, I am expected to to discharge! Why did i get bonded!?

Anyways I gotta complete 2 yrs here and see what i want to do. I thought of taking up Physiotherapist course. But don't know about tht

I felt so lousy but someone made my day, by thanking me for helping her out. I felt so good... It was a nurse, thanking me for helping her give insulin and the stuff that she asked me to do. I felt so honored...ok thats being mean and vain. That I got to give insulin by myself plus suppoistory. Feel so glad. I have to try to be independent. I cant wait for people to support me. So jia-you. All the best to all those who are going to do their, 12 wks PRCP....Hope everybody clears it

Yours truly,
Burpee

1st day of attachment @ a new place wit no frenz

Ha...u can know wht meann by tht. First day of attachment at CG. New environment. New year. No frenz. Wow, all at one go. I was a total nervous wreck the day before of this attachment. I kept finking of the worse situations. Who is gonna be in-charge of us? Am I going to be able to make frenz there when I arrive? Are they going to be nice and friendly as the frenz I had at SG. I couldn't sleep the night before the 1st day of work.

But everything turned out pretty well. I met someone who knew my fren. She also seemed pretty nice. When we reached the level, i so din't know how to go into the ward. I thought just walk in through the main entrance that the visitors use. But no, we had to go through this door, then finally reach the ward. The tea-room also very weird, one. It's a sliding door.

Then when reach, the Sr SN gave a short orientation. We go around and find out who is in what Team? I was in Team 2, Ladies(Geron). Got 3 students each for morning and afternoon shift. One of the girls found out that it was my first time, she took the initiative to explain to me about the bed functions, call bell, those kind of basic stuff. So sweet.

Out of a sudden, one of the student came up to me and ask me if i wanna go break. then i was like ok. Then when we want to go for break, then she say better we go one hour later, caz we started one hour later. I was like, anything ah. Then we met later on and went for break.

During the break, we chat(ok not we, more like me) about work ah, sponsorship. My working at SG. Wht procedures i did there. Even our fellow wardmates, were laughing when we were chatting. Hahaha...consider it was not as half bad as i expected. i am glad that I have colleagues that are willing to explain to me things i dunno and not judge me.

May Waheguru also guide me through my working life.

My brother

why is that when we know someone that person just leaves us? Reluctantly or willingly. Why? I bet this question has been asked many times. Does anyone even know the answer? If you know someone who can answer this question, pls let me know?

Just a couple of yrs ago, my little bro left this world for another. I don't think he ever wanted to leave. He was having this cell disorder, Mitochondria disorder. A disorder that would slowly make him lose his normal function. He couldn't seem to hold down his food. My father used to be very angry when he vomited. Just a week later, he started having diarrhea. We brought him to the doctors, they had him warded for a couple of wks but couldn't seem to know what was happening...they sent him home by giving him anti-diarrheal and anti-emetic medications. It started again. I was irritated with taking care of him. One day before my N levels, he became very seriously ill that my parents called the ambulance. Later he was sent to ICU. A couple of wks later, the doctors and my parents had a conference. They told us that my brother would live long. When they told me that, i felt like though i was going to die. My little bro whom i wanted so long was going to die. How could it be? My parents were devastated. They loved my brother alot...maybe alot more than me. I understand, beccause he was special. To me, he was special too. My brother soon, went home with a Tracheostomy tube. The nurse told us that we have to make sure that it doesn't get an infection or else he will not live as his immunity is down. And that they were giving him drugs to prolong his life. We got a maid, who knew medical stuff. We thought she would take care of my brother very well..,but she din't.

On 4/9/04 (if I'm not wrong), I noticed that he was not his self. I wanted to spend some time with him. Played some games but he was extremely weak. Suddenly it struck me that he may not be alive tomorrow. I started crying and told my father to bring him to the hospital. My father said he would bring him the next day. The next day was too late, my brother collapsed at home. They were bringing him to the hospital when he stopped breatthing. When they reached the hospital, my brother was resuscitated. When i arrived at the hospital, i cried. Becas I knew. The doctors called us in and asked us if we should save my brothers life as he would be in coma. Then i looked at my parents and said, "what's the point if he's gonna be physically and not be able to move around.He has already suffered more than enough" My parents agreed with me. And decided not to rescue him. Later that evening, my maid told me, it's not my fault. I didn't do anything. In my heart I said, "You didn't do anything, that why it's your fault! You were supposed to care for him not WATCH TV" But I didn't say it to her. At 7.45pm, my brother passes away.

That night I was praying at home when i received a call asking for my brothers' BC number. Ihad a very bad feeling. When my parents came back, I knew it. My brother was gone. I didn't cry. Just when to the playground, my maid accompanied me. She told me "It's not my fault but your brother's. Why didn't he wait for me to leave then die." SHE HAD THE NERVE TO SAY THAT TO ME. I was pissed off. How could she say that!? But i didn't say anything. 'Caz I was younger than her.

After the funeral was over, she went to take care a old man or woman. I forgot. But I only know that my brother didn't die of the disease but of the infection.

I wish that wherever he is I hope that he is happy and healthy.
May Waheguru always be with him.