Frustration

It just started. I cannot control my anger. Maybe it's PMS-y. But seriously...come on....

Why can't you just allow one little thing? I used to spend every single day on eating outside, taking cabs, hanging out with friends, going for movies. But now, I do none of that. But apparently, it ain't good enough. I need to seriously do something in saving my money even better. Oh wait, I cannot have my own life. I need to be cooped up at home like a little goodie two shoes, who will stay at home, cook and make nice dinner for everyone.

OH COME ON! Seriously, give me some credit, will ya!? I set aside money to bring friends around. I set aside my own parents needs to bring them on something that I bring other people on. I set aside so much. FOR WHAT!!!! FOR WHOM! For other's to judge that I cannot do anything for myself. I can't save. I can't take care of my family. You know what, SHOVE THAT THOUGHT UP YOUR DAMN ASS! I don't care about your thoughts not now, not ever. Seriously, no sense of appreciation at all.

Dated: 8/4/12 @ 1:23am

Why do I feel so lousy?

Especially every Sunday.

I want you to spend some time with me.

Is it so difficult?

Why do I cry when I miss you?

Bus? You put me in a bus when I was high!

I thought u were going to send me home.

Was it so difficult to tell me you go home with your friends, ONE MORE TIME?

At least I felt safe with my friends.

I m not comparing. I m fucking not comparing.

I just want to spend some time with you.

I don't expect you to report to me.

Thank for pushing me away.

All the more you do that, all the more, I think it's best we leave each other.

It will save you the pressure of being so useless. I am always complaining that you never spend time with me. You will feel at ease. No more complaining.

I am not a nice girl anymore.

Nen tries to save this alot. But I don't want to cry every weekend like this, for you.

Fuck. Nen says you guys are a nice couple, it's just time is a problem.

Nen supports you so much. But you go disappoint her.

Whats my importance in your life?

Shows u everything. And then leaves u to be.

Why does such a thing happen?

i feel like I am damn useless.

Why does a guy show you everything that he can do, and

after a few months he can't?

He's not into me anymore. If thats the case, Fucking tell me.

Dont just i cant make it. Cant call frequently. When u ask me to call you, msg you. say its ok. I get it. I will sms you later. When I sms stuff, you don't msg me. I m like wasting my smses on you.

I feel useless at this point. Cas I m back @ school asking for abit of attention from her guy.

And he says he cant make it, when i told him i cant meet him tomz.

Why show me everything, jusst to deprive me?

Why? U make me like a joke. Seriously?

I am not paranoid. I just evaluated everything. If he thinks I am, then he can leave me. And make things better for the both of us. I am not understanding anymore.

Daily meets to every other day. to wkly. Now guess what. fortnight meets.

I want to be loved and treated the same way I was. Not like I m his friend.

No sms. No call

I really need to stop thinking of Ravi like a kid.
He is older than me. He knows what he needs to do.
He went Lan gaming last night. So I smsed him, to ask him if
he is home. Stupid goon never reply anything. I waited. Looked at my fone like
a psychotic gf. Did he msg? Did he call?, in my favourite pub?
WTF. My behaviour was totally unacceptable.
I need to disappear for a while.
I managed to get through him @ 3plus. He was sleeping.
Den in the mrng, he sent me the same smses I sent him.
Fuck la. I told him not to copy n paste my smses. I dont like.
He did it again.
Fine la. I switched off my fucking fone. I need to disappear. So that I won't be so fucking attached to him.
UNBELIEVABLE LA.
I couldnt dance until I knew he was home. After that I danced, and went home.
And he doesnt believe that I didnt drink for e past clubbing session. He calls me drunkard sia.
Wah lau.
Nevermind. Today is my day. He is not there. SMS. Call. IM. Or email. He is not in my life.
Not today. Then he will understand whats wrong with not smsing. And getting worried for no reason.

JB

Finally, JB.
We went to JB.Me n baby.
Had a coupla things that we did.
Ate mee pok (haha, finally i noe the name of the noodles)
den went to maybank (but it was close, cas it was the prophets birthday)
den went to gurudwara. den, we went to city square, the THEATER CLOSED!
WAH LAU
dammit...
opened @ 1830hrs. Haiz, den we went to eat ice cream. i bought
some body scrub and some mositurizer.
Den we bought almost 12DVDs. Woohooo. 5 his 8mine...
hehehe.
shiok.
Haha, funny, he was having headache earlier, but in the end, i had it, cb. so painful cas wen turning ard, then headache. then we went to woodies park, hung out thr, romantic abit...
i told him i m so proud that he is my bf, cas he understands me. give me good n bad view of situation, stands by me alot.
love him alot.
n he was surprised.
N a few days back i gave him a msg, saying that i m happy that u r part of my life.
I wish these moments never end, when u n me are together. I wish we are like this forever.
n dont copy n paste back. its my original piece. hmph. he loved it so much he saved in the his mob
so sweet right?
haha.
funny.
Cute sia.
Then he so happy that we are together.
Oh ya, he irritated me with who gonna marry u?
not me? u crazy ar?
Den i got upset. den he say i jokin only la
k i dun touch this topic. ok? haha.
i m scared wad he says is true.
he told me, b u still dun trust me ar?
i say i do but minds change ok?

Vday

Valentine's day.
I met my bf. We went to causeway point to catch a movie, Valentine's day.
Roamed around abit.
And we went to eat @ siam kitchen. Wow, damn full sia.
Haha, den We watched the movie Valentine's day.
Movie was not that bad. But I just realised that my bf really listens to what i say,
even though he looks like he is not listening.
Unbelievable, he actually remembers what i tell him.
He knew what he should get me...
I've been saying constantly that I wanted a house cordless phone.
But den i didnt want to spend my money. Guess what that was what he got me.
I know its abit odd. But he knew what to get me.
OMgosh.I didnt expect that.
Damn, and i got him a perfume. how lame.
acutally i knew what to get him, I wanted to get him a LV wallet or a new cell fone N5800. But I dint have enough cash to get him one.
So I tot this time just make do with this.
I know he didnt like it.
But whilst watching the movie, i turned to him, n i felt like crying.(tears of joy)
He is the one. That one right moment. I knew it, that he is the one that i want to spend the rest of my life with. And I told him that. And he said, now only u realised ar?
I said no, its just that I just confirmed it. That u r the one!
The love of my life, and that I want to grow old with you.
He smiled, and kissed me.
this is how much I love him. I love him alot.
I dont want to lose him.
I love u B.
Thnxs for the tigger and the phone.
I will always love u,

Hmm,
Went to Raffles with Baby.
Wah lau, so long we waited for his pass...3hrs plus.
Damm...
but we got romantic romantic. mushy mushy thr...
*giggles* I liked it... so nice...hold my hand, disturb me in public
got a huge grin on my face.
Ate @ Lil india, den he went to get his pants...n he wanted to kill the aunty for
ruinning the pants tht he asked her to sew exactly the same way as the previous pants.
Den, we went to gurudwara. cas he told his mom that we gg...n his mom said u guys better go, dun say wanna go then never go...not nice. So we went to dharm sabha... Felt so wifey n hubby...cas thr u can enter the gurudwara together, n no woman will say anything (firstly cas thr was no woman) haha.
Den we went to sim lim to get his lappy cooler, lolz... den i was tired ... cas tummy pain.
mmm... then he went to mustafa. i looked @ the shoes...heels. so wanted to get them, but once i rationalized... i think not. not finanacially, but just ... just didnt want it. didnt feel like those were the ones. He wanted to get them for me... but i told him not to. :-)
Haha...he kept on insisting to get it. but i didnt want. So we got his shaving stuff, den i wanted to drop him off @ woodies, but he said not to. so we hung out @ some block...
He asked me wht i dont like and what do i like bout him.
I like that he meets me every day off..
Nags at me rational stuff like (phone bills)
Doesnt nag @ shoppin stuff. like things are expensive n stuff like that.
tolerates my baby talk... LOL
What i hate: erm, not hate, but dont like, wen he doesnt sms...hmm, like working time...but i understand ar... but just dun like it.
maybe for one thing, he tells his mom that we go temple n wen we dont go, i feel bad.
that needs to stop. erm, yeah, fink thats about it.
lolz...