Burpey

2010-05-15T23:21:00.000-07:00

Why do I feel so lousy?

Especially every Sunday.

I want you to spend some time with me.

Is it so difficult?

Why do I cry when I miss you?

Bus? You put me in a bus when I was high!

I thought u were going to send me home.

Was it so difficult to tell me you go home with your friends, ONE MORE TIME?

At least I felt safe with my friends.

I m not comparing. I m fucking not comparing.

I just want to spend some time with you.

I don't expect you to report to me.

Thank for pushing me away.

All the more you do that, all the more, I think it's best we leave each other.

It will save you the pressure of being so useless. I am always complaining that you never spend time with me. You will feel at ease. No more complaining.

I am not a nice girl anymore.

Nen tries to save this alot. But I don't want to cry every weekend like this, for you.

Fuck. Nen says you guys are a nice couple, it's just time is a problem.

Nen supports you so much. But you go disappoint her.

Whats my importance in your life?

Shows u everything. And then leaves u to be.

2010-05-02T02:40:00.000-07:00

Why does such a thing happen?

i feel like I am damn useless.

Why does a guy show you everything that he can do, and

after a few months he can't?

He's not into me anymore. If thats the case, Fucking tell me.

Dont just i cant make it. Cant call frequently. When u ask me to call you, msg you. say its ok. I get it. I will sms you later. When I sms stuff, you don't msg me. I m like wasting my smses on you.

I feel useless at this point. Cas I m back @ school asking for abit of attention from her guy.

And he says he cant make it, when i told him i cant meet him tomz.

Why show me everything, jusst to deprive me?

Why? U make me like a joke. Seriously?

I am not paranoid. I just evaluated everything. If he thinks I am, then he can leave me. And make things better for the both of us. I am not understanding anymore.

Daily meets to every other day. to wkly. Now guess what. fortnight meets.

I want to be loved and treated the same way I was. Not like I m his friend.

No sms. No call

2010-03-06T00:33:00.000-08:00

I really need to stop thinking of Ravi like a kid.
He is older than me. He knows what he needs to do.
He went Lan gaming last night. So I smsed him, to ask him if
he is home. Stupid goon never reply anything. I waited. Looked at my fone like
a psychotic gf. Did he msg? Did he call?, in my favourite pub?
WTF. My behaviour was totally unacceptable.
I need to disappear for a while.
I managed to get through him @ 3plus. He was sleeping.
Den in the mrng, he sent me the same smses I sent him.
Fuck la. I told him not to copy n paste my smses. I dont like.
He did it again.
Fine la. I switched off my fucking fone. I need to disappear. So that I won't be so fucking attached to him.
UNBELIEVABLE LA.
I couldnt dance until I knew he was home. After that I danced, and went home.
And he doesnt believe that I didnt drink for e past clubbing session. He calls me drunkard sia.
Wah lau.
Nevermind. Today is my day. He is not there. SMS. Call. IM. Or email. He is not in my life.
Not today. Then he will understand whats wrong with not smsing. And getting worried for no reason.

JB

2010-02-26T23:56:00.000-08:00

Finally, JB.
We went to JB.Me n baby.
Had a coupla things that we did.
Ate mee pok (haha, finally i noe the name of the noodles)
den went to maybank (but it was close, cas it was the prophets birthday)
den went to gurudwara. den, we went to city square, the THEATER CLOSED!
WAH LAU
dammit...
opened @ 1830hrs. Haiz, den we went to eat ice cream. i bought
some body scrub and some mositurizer.
Den we bought almost 12DVDs. Woohooo. 5 his 8mine...
hehehe.
shiok.
Haha, funny, he was having headache earlier, but in the end, i had it, cb. so painful cas wen turning ard, then headache. then we went to woodies park, hung out thr, romantic abit...
i told him i m so proud that he is my bf, cas he understands me. give me good n bad view of situation, stands by me alot.
love him alot.
n he was surprised.
N a few days back i gave him a msg, saying that i m happy that u r part of my life.
I wish these moments never end, when u n me are together. I wish we are like this forever.
n dont copy n paste back. its my original piece. hmph. he loved it so much he saved in the his mob
so sweet right?
haha.
funny.
Cute sia.
Then he so happy that we are together.
Oh ya, he irritated me with who gonna marry u?
not me? u crazy ar?
Den i got upset. den he say i jokin only la
k i dun touch this topic. ok? haha.
i m scared wad he says is true.
he told me, b u still dun trust me ar?
i say i do but minds change ok?

Vday

2010-02-15T07:53:00.000-08:00

Valentine's day.
I met my bf. We went to causeway point to catch a movie, Valentine's day.
Roamed around abit.
And we went to eat @ siam kitchen. Wow, damn full sia.
Haha, den We watched the movie Valentine's day.
Movie was not that bad. But I just realised that my bf really listens to what i say,
even though he looks like he is not listening.
Unbelievable, he actually remembers what i tell him.
He knew what he should get me...
I've been saying constantly that I wanted a house cordless phone.
But den i didnt want to spend my money. Guess what that was what he got me.
I know its abit odd. But he knew what to get me.
OMgosh.I didnt expect that.
Damn, and i got him a perfume. how lame.
acutally i knew what to get him, I wanted to get him a LV wallet or a new cell fone N5800. But I dint have enough cash to get him one.
So I tot this time just make do with this.
I know he didnt like it.
But whilst watching the movie, i turned to him, n i felt like crying.(tears of joy)
He is the one. That one right moment. I knew it, that he is the one that i want to spend the rest of my life with. And I told him that. And he said, now only u realised ar?
I said no, its just that I just confirmed it. That u r the one!
The love of my life, and that I want to grow old with you.
He smiled, and kissed me.
this is how much I love him. I love him alot.
I dont want to lose him.
I love u B.
Thnxs for the tigger and the phone.
I will always love u,

2010-02-02T21:11:00.000-08:00

Hmm,
Went to Raffles with Baby.
Wah lau, so long we waited for his pass...3hrs plus.
Damm...
but we got romantic romantic. mushy mushy thr...
*giggles* I liked it... so nice...hold my hand, disturb me in public
got a huge grin on my face.
Ate @ Lil india, den he went to get his pants...n he wanted to kill the aunty for
ruinning the pants tht he asked her to sew exactly the same way as the previous pants.
Den, we went to gurudwara. cas he told his mom that we gg...n his mom said u guys better go, dun say wanna go then never go...not nice. So we went to dharm sabha... Felt so wifey n hubby...cas thr u can enter the gurudwara together, n no woman will say anything (firstly cas thr was no woman) haha.
Den we went to sim lim to get his lappy cooler, lolz... den i was tired ... cas tummy pain.
mmm... then he went to mustafa. i looked @ the shoes...heels. so wanted to get them, but once i rationalized... i think not. not finanacially, but just ... just didnt want it. didnt feel like those were the ones. He wanted to get them for me... but i told him not to. :-)
Haha...he kept on insisting to get it. but i didnt want. So we got his shaving stuff, den i wanted to drop him off @ woodies, but he said not to. so we hung out @ some block...
He asked me wht i dont like and what do i like bout him.
I like that he meets me every day off..
Nags at me rational stuff like (phone bills)
Doesnt nag @ shoppin stuff. like things are expensive n stuff like that.
tolerates my baby talk... LOL
What i hate: erm, not hate, but dont like, wen he doesnt sms...hmm, like working time...but i understand ar... but just dun like it.
maybe for one thing, he tells his mom that we go temple n wen we dont go, i feel bad.
that needs to stop. erm, yeah, fink thats about it.
lolz...

oooOoooO

2010-01-26T05:53:00.001-08:00

Yippy, met B today...
Handsome B...not bad, he chose a good movie...
this is the 3rd time we watched a gerard butler movie...
HOT!
suddenly it made me realise that he is the one that
i want to spend the rest of my life with.
We talked about marriage stuff...wedding and buyin house all already...
but all in due time... = Later on
But not bad, not rushing.
I love him. He is really romantic when in the theater...
So hot, the way he hold my hand... kiss me...
cuddle...
Wow... Felt so wanted.
I want all this moment to stay this way.
Don't want a single thing to change.
:)

Weeweee

2010-01-02T19:18:00.001-08:00

Haha, yesterday was a really funny day.
Weee, Me n B went to watch Avatar 3d...Wow...Damn nice.
Loved the couple seat that I got...Haha
Then, he had to go meet his friend. So i went back home.
Later at night, we met up again @ arab st...sheesha (m3 n Nen)
We then met Shima at clarke Quay...Drank abit, n went over to Boat Quay to some hindi pub la...
But the thing is that none of them weere happenin sia...Dammit...
We walked one round and then both of us decided, lets just go home.
Nothing happening all...Haiz, I felt so bad for B...He really wanted to go out, but he didnt go in anywher... Felt super bad la...Haiz...
Anyways, in all, i managed to kiss him. *giggles*

Haiz...sads

2009-12-14T19:32:00.000-08:00

Haha, Me n B, had the greatest time on saturday...
We went out to JB.
I wen over to his place to meet his parents, then i went to JB with him
roam around there...
makan the fishball soup dammmmm nice... yummy.
And then he went to cut hair... was waitin ... siak ah, like wifey sia...haha
Then We went to get train tickets for his parents, sold out.
then finally we went to city square where i shopped for bajus...and he was like nice la B
take it, y u never take...take la...
Then, we went to find his handphone casing. like tak habis finding. in the end only manage to get his battery..haha, n he was all smiles... then we went to temple.
then went to makan briyani at my fav place.. yummy...hahaha,
fun day..it was so fun...
loved it...
superb...
even he loved it..
love u, b muacks muacks muacks.
But now B working night shift...12hr shift., hardly can meet..
awww....sad

2009-12-09T09:10:00.000-08:00

Hey I am once again back...
Haha, latest news...
Mom n dad are coming back.
B is finally getting a shift work...after waiting for so long.
He came over yesterday we ate ate n drank.
We finally did it....
He made me garlic butter yesterday...yummy...
but i havent tried it yet.
gonna miss him loads...
not gonna see him aroun the house anymore.
Haha, his mom been asking him how come I dont call..
Haha... i m going over one of the days to say hi to his mom n dad...
erm, yea.... i think i specialise in dhal n aloo matar...but so not sabzi...
haha...he has tried the aloo matar, mungy(green dhal) n yellow dhal...
Shiok seh....I cook...He loved it....
Haha, no more cookin anymore...mom is coming back...
cant wait to go bck to my old ways of going out, not botherin much...lalalala... *evil laughter*

2009-11-29T03:58:00.000-08:00

I cooked for him one night..

and I cooked good!

FINGER LICKIN GOOD....baby!

here are the 2 shots i took.

Saturday evening with love

2009-11-21T16:38:00.000-08:00

He came over on a saturday evening.
The first thing i did was to hug him.
I wanted to cry. But i didnt.
Skip the rest, I rested my head on his shoulder.
I said that I m disappointed in myself. Mom told me this and that, but i m doing it...
N suddenly i hugged him and cried. And he was like why r u crying? Why are u taking it so difficultly?
Apparently I was freaked out over some ghostly experience in my house.
And that having no mom scared the shit out of me. And he consoled me.
Told me to switch on morning paath and rehraas sahib in the evening.
Leave the light on during the night.
Stuff like that. I listened and I did.
It really reassured me.
I felt good.
And he cooked for me...He made pasta so professionally...Wow...
delicious Rum arrabiata pasta...yummy...
I ate like no one's biz...OMG! so fillin!
Yum Yum!
Thank u, B

2009-11-02T10:04:00.000-08:00

What'z food without chilli,
What'z drink without alcohol,
What'z love without romance,
What'z life without hami

Awww...
*melts*

I love him alot...
He took care of me when i was super drunk in JB with him.
made me sleep...
tucked me into bed.
N kissed me good morning...
brought me down for makan all
den, let me sleep...
haha, forced me to shower wif him
n then shower all...
haha
shiok aa...
Then we went to his cousins place for darufied...
wah lau, my all hallows eves was darufied sia...
anyways, we got abit too intimate ar
so i m abit scared aa...
anyways, everything's gonna be ok...
relax...
haha
n wen i told him, he say its ok...if it happens it happens.
then he sent me the above sms.

:)

2009-10-22T07:47:00.000-07:00

Haha,
today, i said i love u.
n he said no.
i said i love u again.
he said no.
then i said if u say no, why r ur hands around me?
take them off...
i got off him...
I went to sit on my own.
Then i say if u dont love me, why r u here? go away la...
then he said tis what u want me to say. i love u?
Me: not sincere.
Him: then what? u want me to go on my knees, n say i love u?
Me: Oh...good plan.
Him: eh not easy to make me kneel, ok? n i m not proposin oso ok!
Me: Okk, then nevermind. Not forcing u to do it, since u dont love me.
We were just talking...n he was playing wif my hand.
And then he said, 'my side no body. ur side'
i shook my head. Normally if we ask ur side n my side, got people/ that means time to super romance...haha, kissing and huggin...haha. this time it was different.
He went down on his knees and said, i love u.n stretched his arms.
My eyes widdened!!! Wat the hell...baby, i was just kidding wif u. OMG.
And he said, 'oi, that one not sincere leh...why u so happy?"
'cas u did when i wanted u to do...awww...i love u so much...u r so random!!!! Awww...
i hugged him...
aww....but its not sincere...
n he is no longer talking bout the future. cas his uncle gave him tis talk about future and all that.
I kinda miss that!
Dammit...
HOw irritating...so used to it...and now he is not talking about it.
haiz...
Love u loads...Rav...

celebrates

2009-10-22T00:29:00.000-07:00

We celebrated our first month together.
I was @ his place.
Aww, he is super super sweet...
he hugged, cuddled, kissed, did all wild things (not that kinda)...
n just slept.
I loved when i was using his laptop, he crept up from behind n kissed me...
When i was leaving the room, he pulled me towards him n kissed me.
my my my...wad a romantic rollercoaster ride.
We slept...on the same bed. but we didnt do anything.
When i was sleeping, hehe, i was snoring...he snored too..
but he didnt realise. i dont want to tell him.
Out of a sudden he kissed me on my lips...
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww....*melts*
i liked that...its so hot!
romantic.

And now he is sick...he doesnt allow me to kiss him...no matter how much i want to...

he will place his lips near mine, n then back off...

irritating right?

he keeps on saying that baby i care for u...i dont want u to get sick...

haiz...i want to get sick...

but i know i wont get sick...haiz..

plans

2009-10-02T11:38:00.000-07:00

Is planning into the future something good or something that would cost our hearts to break?
He is plannig honey moons, wedding sia...
wad the...
i know..
its liek just fricking 3 wks...
but i m happy oso la....but scary tho'
And i m happy. ....weeee....
ppl planning sia...
haha, he is like so into me...
but what happens if it all ends...

Him

2009-09-30T10:34:00.000-07:00

i have never seena guy so in love wif me.
He makes feel so special.
Is so serious...caring...
irritating at times.
But he captures my heart.
I just like it when he sniffs me.
Hehe, weirdf yea...i know.
Wen we talk, we erally talk..
He plans so many things.
he knws me like i know myself.
hehe...i m not saying those 3words, cas if i say it, i'm afriad that he might jsut walk away from
my life.
I don't want to come across as needy. I want everything to be the way it is.
Hmm, apparently mom likes him...firstly cas he is singaporean.
Secondly he knows alot about stuff.
and thirdly older than me.
He even was planning to get me a gift for our one month anniversary.
a ring...
haha, wad do i get him?
i asked...n he say nothing, ur love is everything to me.
he always say tis,'u love me so much.. but u dun want to say it. and i can feel the love.'
haiz, anyways, he got a job. hehe...
we are planning to save money $100/mth...so that we can plan on a vacation.
We have met 3 days in a row. n today he is startin work, aww...wont meet him.
plan on meeting every wk...so at least i wun get so attached.
He seems to be the all perfect guy.
Every day he asks me,'got eat centrum anot?' its like a vitamin
blody hell made me addcited to it.
at first he gave me a few pills now he plans on giving me a boittle...heee
he plans on soo much...that i m afraid that one of us woul get hurt.
*sighs*

Ra

2009-09-21T09:06:00.000-07:00

finally we had the one hot, sweet sexy kiss...
aww...
so sexy just to sit thr...
talk, n talk n talk...
basically we talked more than we kissed...
haha...
it was fun just to talk...
haha...it was really hot...
n wen we got close...
omg...
i felt really nice...
n we were talkin about how he waited for one
girl for 6 yrs..
n then she didnt even bother about his feelings all..
he is just plain hot....sexy...n irritating..
haha

wooo

2009-09-20T10:05:00.000-07:00

OMG...
he is so wooing me...
dinners, movies, games, all on him.
aww...how cute...sending me home..
he is so cute and cuddly...like a teddy bear...
He eats my head as equally as i eat his head....
haha...
He's a virgo.
I'm a cancerian.
Aww...
charming...
He treats me like a princess when i m with him.
But we do argue...but its a joking jokin fight.
Haha...He sent me home from yishun...instead of going home separately.
he accompanied me to Baiya's place.
then sent me home.
We hung out @ the bloock.
I've seen his 'i so wanna kiss her' look...
I loved it.
Especially wen we make faces..n he comes close to me.
I so know that he wants to kiss me.
haha...
N he did it yesterday.
Haha. it was wit the oh fuck it man... haha...
he kissed me...
i gave him alot of signs...and finally he caved.
I feel proud...
haha...
But it wasnt that great...
haha...
I m not sharing...I dont kiss and tell.
Haha...
He said i love u today.
N i said the opposite.
I dun want to say i love u.
Cas i m scared...
I dun want to cave in.
But frankly speaking he is what i wanted.
I wanted a teddy, happy go lucky guy, fun loving, so called sporty...
understanding...
well, shudnt say much...
I shall just leave it going as the way it is going.
Now, i've gotta manage my time better.
gym, girls, planning BBQ, clubbing, and guy!
Ciao

FLuffy

2009-09-17T11:31:00.000-07:00

Fluffy...
the new man in ma life.*giggles*
Cas he is so what i wanted..
I wanted to argue wit a guy, who is argumentative.
Want to talk like no one's business...Gossip wif him.
Hehe...
He is tall and big. Flufffyyyy...like ma gabby.
And plus he is a singaporean.
Awww....He tries to be romantic and all that.
And i met him thrice already...made him walk at least 7 bus stops already...haha
n he held my hand today...
It was like the same way, i saw my cousins date their gals..
The ayo...why u like tht. why u dunno how to behave...
Omg, u a...so gross, u noe
mcm the fighting...hehe. but still there is some attractiion going on.
He wants to bring me to JB rebond my hair...color...n he want to sponsor all tat.
Plan to go KL with me. sponsor that trip oso.
Go by ECP, watch the sunset...Aww...charming aint it?
Hehe...but i always foil his romanticness...*giggles* i like it...
I like seeing his espression.
And then best thing, he missing me, after not seeing me for 4days.
And time passing by so fast wen we are together...
Hehe...
He is my teddy...
Charmer..
*melts*
We are planning an outing tis saturday.
He treats me like a princess...
but i m trying hard not to fall for him.
But somehow i do.
But he tells me to be realistic, 'if u have a better man than me, by all means go for it.'
He held my hand today when we were walking...My heart was like beating slightly faster...
But when he tries to lean forward to scare me, somehow i feel like he is trying to lean in for a kiss.
My heart beats even faster...Thoughts run wild. But what do i do?
I dont want to be so committed so fast.
It scares me...
I so feel like calling him, My baby.
but i try not to name him.
He calls me his Big mac.
N wen i call him small mac, he says change it..so i changed it to fluffy?
hehe
hmm, teddy sounds better, aint it?
hehehe...well...cant wait fr our next meeting...

:D

2009-09-17T11:24:00.000-07:00

I don't noe what to think of u after she told me.
I feel like u r a bastard n what not.
I wasted my time and energy on u.
thanks for saying u do not know me.
Cas frm there, I know that u were so not worth thinking about.
People who are worth my thoughts should be in my life.
u aint part of it.

Cas of u, I meet sweet, charmers.
Cas of u, i found my new time passion, gyming, and clubbing.
Cas of u, I m who I am.
I don't tink of changing myself.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee....
Victory is mine!!!
Muah haha...I dun pay fr movies. I dun pay for food.
The men do it for me...

Lalalalalalala

P.S: I love you. I love him. I love her. I love them. I love us.
Holler

leave me alone

2009-09-01T08:38:00.001-07:00

Why does he stil come into my mind!
BEHEN CHOT!
leave me alone!
why do i dream of u?
why do u come into my mind!?
u son of a bitch!
u idiot, gundu...
thanks for letting me knw that u
rr not into me?
fuck u!
U like ur chinky friend...ooo...
i did wht i cud to make u happy, proud of me..
but it was never enough...
I m gonna make myself so hot! that u r gonna drool....
then i m gonna screw u the same u did wit me...
u asshole!
wht do u fink of urself!/
ARGH....
yep...i dun know u...
frankly speaking.

I dont miss u, I mmiss the old u!
yep...change is ever changing...
but u cant blame me to miss that.

I got to know that...seriously that maybe falling in love
is not in my strength....
flirting is in my blood...
crushing on people is in my lifestyle...
leaving it this way is the best...
falling in love, a proper relationship pisses me off after wht u did...
Simple, n easy...
guys do us, girls, a favour...break up when u know u r suppose to.
dont pick up our phones...avoid us...let us live our lives without u...
it pisses us off, when u want to break up n then, u r again, talking to us...
makes us dissect every single thing again n again...

distant

2009-08-31T04:45:00.000-07:00

y a person so far can make u feel like that?
he makes me feel like a princess.
makes me feel like im the only one.
despite being far, he makes me feel like i m
near him.
i smile when he say all those sweet stuff...
my heart skips a bit.
the romantic dinner that he is planning
on new yrs...
lolz...
telling me things that make me feel
pretty...

It's all fake. and i know it.
But why am i falling for him?

2009-08-30T04:24:00.000-07:00

I am starting to date. Dating my friend of 2yrs...
I don't see anything coming out of it...
we hug. We kid around. We talk about our stuff and all...
but i dont feel anything... Actually I find him weird...
When there is death scene in FD 4(3D) he laughs. Odd, ain't it

ONe thing that is nice, he pays for everything...my movie tickets...dinner. lunch...
Wow...who wouldnt want such a stable man? ME!

been awake for almost 27hrs, i wanted to go home, he asked me to accompany him to eat...N wanted to sleep. And then When i wanted to go out. He ( was leaning on the glass panel), jst hugged me, and didnt let go. then I just hugged him back...n whispered do u know u are mean...ANd he laughed...I turned to him, he looked at me...oooo...i cud feel some tension thr. I wanted to kiss him. So did he..But i looked away...n then he let go when my stop came...n told me u cn go...n he was lkike laughing so i dint knw...
but he really didnt want me to go home.
How odd was tht.

But i don't feel anything for him, if i do...its very sexual...
which is not good....
Geez...I'm getting bored of him also...
everyone says that maybe somethings will come out of it, after a period of time.
I dont think so...
I think he also thinks so...

And She was right, we do behave like love aaj kaal...haha

Nevertheless

2009-08-27T11:53:00.000-07:00

It happened.
Nevertheless, it happened for the best.
He say i didn't know him that well.
Probably I didn't.
N thanks to him, I realise that maybe i should
just have fun. Flirt around...
Nevertheless everyone has been telling me that he's going to come back into my life.
Nevertheless, I think otherwise. He is not.
cas he knws my answer.
All of them do.
I don't miss him. I just miss who he was.
I miss him that way...that all.
I really do.
If i say i didn't love him, who would i be fooling?

I miss everything we had with one another.
Love quotes i find appealin now.
Very...
I don't care about it anymore.
I want to get my own life.
I try to make myself hate him, but i cant.
Probably once again, its fr the best that we aren't together.
I don't think i can fall in love with someone else the way i did with him.
i just get used to someone.
but not love.
my heart is closed for love, but open for flirting...
i miss the tomboy me.
i do..

woo me!

2009-07-15T11:47:00.000-07:00

woo me back?
can't u?
how difficult can it be?
hmmm... shouldn't hope much?
u dun want it...
not a relationship....frustratin!!!
i loved u...always did

emmotional dumping ground

2009-06-14T09:05:00.000-07:00

Wat the hell is going on with this month?
everyone is either pissing me off, or is pissed off with me.
What's this month?
BTW, i m not PMS-y.
I was fricking coolheaded until i heard something.
I was snapped @ yesterday cas someone had a misunderstanding.
Y is that person allowed to talk in a high pitch tone when that person is pissed.
And I m not.
When I talk in a high pitch tone, I m pissing that person off...
apparently, 'i m yelling on the phone'
When I wanna share something about my day, i get a fricking look, like, 'do i look like i care? y is she even talking to me about this? i dun understand why is she so worked up about it?'
I won something, i dont get a congras...but a sarcasm remark like yea yea...u guys lost even though u tie...
But when someone wins, I m fricking congragulating the person about it...u did great and all.
When I m cranky, I don't tell the person, i wun talk to u, cas i m in a bad mood.
When that person is pissed off, i m not allowed to continue talking cas it would irritate that person.
When that person calls, i go n meet that person, no matter how pissed off or how tired i m.
But when i want to meet, i'm busy, i m going out with so n so.
When that person has got assignments n project stuff n sports things going on, he wont meet me. cas he is busy...trying to find time for me. but he can go JB. when he goes JB, i ask something, i dun get it. but when someone else doesn't even bother to ask that person. he gets it willing.
Wow...
Looking @ this, where is my stand?
Worse than a friend. bloody hell, when i go JB, i get what that person wants without even asking. When I do that, That person matters to me, but apparently that 'someone' matters to that fool more. I think the world of him.N he thinks of nothing of me.
If i m not at some place on time of place i meet, i m late. even though its a few mins...
but if that someone is late, its ok...just 10mins wat, u always late one wat...
I dont mind hearing it once in a while...but hearing it every time i tell that person that...i have to be UNDERSTANDING.

Now i understand something, giving person time wouldn't do anything.
u need to settle it.
If that person shows attitude, it means that person is apparently busy.
when i show, that person says, i was pissed off yesterday.

What do u tell a person by doing all this?
What is ur establishment?
After being pissed off for so long, one of my guy friends told me, 'simple, he wants to break up but he doesn't want it to be his fault, or him initiating the break up.
fuck it..
everytime this happens, its like a cut in my heart.

...

2009-06-05T21:03:00.000-07:00

How come a guy can be so into a first month anniversary n subsequently forget about!?
It irritates me somuch. That we are not closes.
Haiz...how irritating.
He is in camp...
n i m stuck at home...
with wedding to attend to. and I want him to accompany me.
But he is not...
I m going alone.
How pathetic...
I want him to accompany me.
I miss him. When he came over two nights ago, we just sat in front of the TV, not talking. N he said, he wanted to rest, he slept on my thighs.
I want to talk...But he was too tired...
HAIZ....i miss him...I wanna meet him... :-(

Now, Captain's ball.
I m so into it..So wanna win.

WOMAN ARE NOT SICK

2009-05-27T11:17:00.000-07:00

Stop saying that woman are sick.
We so are not.
Men are so much like idiots.
They do not like their woman going out
with their guy friends.
No contacts with ex bf...fine, then why do u keep in touch with urs?

Get a life...
u should.

HIM

2008-02-13T08:54:00.000-08:00

Why does everyone ask me where is he? Has he come online? Did he tell you this or did he tell u tht!? I'm sick and tired of hearing this. If he wants to come online, he can jolly well come online...if he doesn't, i m cool with it... It's tiring to wait for someone online, when u have no f...ing idea if they are gonna be online... Wht the hell have i gotten myself into!?

Why didn't i use my damn brain? Online relationships suck! Firstly, it's fake, online relationship...Secondly, you've to wait to talk to the person, unlike a real relationship, u can jolly well call the person. Meet the person... Talking about meeting... I m going over to his town, and he knws tht...Guess wht he says, i m not sure if i m going to be here when u come down, I might be outta town... Wow...if u dont wanna meet me, just f...ing hell say it! I'm cool..End it... End this frickin misery that u are causing me to feel. I dont want to feel tht anymore... Leave me....

When he's online, i dont want to say any of this...I just wanna enjoy the moment... that he is online....He's hardly gonna be online... So let him be...online... I know i m being very selfish and all...but this is me...HE knows that i get pissed off when he's not online... but now...Wow...

I dont give two shits if he has a gal in that town... Wanna know why!? ITS JUST F...ING ONLINE....I cant say much....i m spending the minority part of his time...unlike his so-called gf there....This is so pissing off...

caz i wanted to send him something for Valentine's day, but he said people would talk...traditional thoughts and all... i was like cool... he doesnt bother to explain to me about his life...he just lemme tell him about my day...that's it! he doesnt share anything about his life...

Thnxs for making me feel this way....But wht to do, this heart is still so bent on loving u despite hating u so f...ing much!!!!

2007-10-16T06:41:00.000-07:00

Ha...today i woke up feeling lousy...damn lousy...felt like as though i was competent enough to be in nursing. Went to work...I just wish they would teach us how to be SN from geron...so that we wont get a super heart attack during PRCP. At least slowly ah...I feel like we are still are in yr 2...

Today one of the Lecturers, Ms T, said, if you make a small mistake during PRCP, you will fail...She gave an eg;

1)if you keep going to back to get your equipment during PRCP....you'll fail.

2)If you don't clean the catheter site, you'll fail.

3) if you dunno the indications of the drugs you fail!

How many more things can they make be afraid of? We feel more stressed out now then during our exams!!! I feel so stressed out and I am posted to a new hospital. I have not admission in that hospital and by PRCP,, I am expected to to discharge! Why did i get bonded!?

Anyways I gotta complete 2 yrs here and see what i want to do. I thought of taking up Physiotherapist course. But don't know about tht

I felt so lousy but someone made my day, by thanking me for helping her out. I felt so good... It was a nurse, thanking me for helping her give insulin and the stuff that she asked me to do. I felt so honored...ok thats being mean and vain. That I got to give insulin by myself plus suppoistory. Feel so glad. I have to try to be independent. I cant wait for people to support me. So jia-you. All the best to all those who are going to do their, 12 wks PRCP....Hope everybody clears it

Yours truly,
Burpee

1st day of attachment @ a new place wit no frenz

2007-10-01T02:54:00.000-07:00

Ha...u can know wht meann by tht. First day of attachment at CG. New environment. New year. No frenz. Wow, all at one go. I was a total nervous wreck the day before of this attachment. I kept finking of the worse situations. Who is gonna be in-charge of us? Am I going to be able to make frenz there when I arrive? Are they going to be nice and friendly as the frenz I had at SG. I couldn't sleep the night before the 1st day of work.

But everything turned out pretty well. I met someone who knew my fren. She also seemed pretty nice. When we reached the level, i so din't know how to go into the ward. I thought just walk in through the main entrance that the visitors use. But no, we had to go through this door, then finally reach the ward. The tea-room also very weird, one. It's a sliding door.

Then when reach, the Sr SN gave a short orientation. We go around and find out who is in what Team? I was in Team 2, Ladies(Geron). Got 3 students each for morning and afternoon shift. One of the girls found out that it was my first time, she took the initiative to explain to me about the bed functions, call bell, those kind of basic stuff. So sweet.

Out of a sudden, one of the student came up to me and ask me if i wanna go break. then i was like ok. Then when we want to go for break, then she say better we go one hour later, caz we started one hour later. I was like, anything ah. Then we met later on and went for break.

During the break, we chat(ok not we, more like me) about work ah, sponsorship. My working at SG. Wht procedures i did there. Even our fellow wardmates, were laughing when we were chatting. Hahaha...consider it was not as half bad as i expected. i am glad that I have colleagues that are willing to explain to me things i dunno and not judge me.

May Waheguru also guide me through my working life.

My brother

2007-07-31T22:46:00.000-07:00

why is that when we know someone that person just leaves us? Reluctantly or willingly. Why? I bet this question has been asked many times. Does anyone even know the answer? If you know someone who can answer this question, pls let me know?

Just a couple of yrs ago, my little bro left this world for another. I don't think he ever wanted to leave. He was having this cell disorder, Mitochondria disorder. A disorder that would slowly make him lose his normal function. He couldn't seem to hold down his food. My father used to be very angry when he vomited. Just a week later, he started having diarrhea. We brought him to the doctors, they had him warded for a couple of wks but couldn't seem to know what was happening...they sent him home by giving him anti-diarrheal and anti-emetic medications. It started again. I was irritated with taking care of him. One day before my N levels, he became very seriously ill that my parents called the ambulance. Later he was sent to ICU. A couple of wks later, the doctors and my parents had a conference. They told us that my brother would live long. When they told me that, i felt like though i was going to die. My little bro whom i wanted so long was going to die. How could it be? My parents were devastated. They loved my brother alot...maybe alot more than me. I understand, beccause he was special. To me, he was special too. My brother soon, went home with a Tracheostomy tube. The nurse told us that we have to make sure that it doesn't get an infection or else he will not live as his immunity is down. And that they were giving him drugs to prolong his life. We got a maid, who knew medical stuff. We thought she would take care of my brother very well..,but she din't.

On 4/9/04 (if I'm not wrong), I noticed that he was not his self. I wanted to spend some time with him. Played some games but he was extremely weak. Suddenly it struck me that he may not be alive tomorrow. I started crying and told my father to bring him to the hospital. My father said he would bring him the next day. The next day was too late, my brother collapsed at home. They were bringing him to the hospital when he stopped breatthing. When they reached the hospital, my brother was resuscitated. When i arrived at the hospital, i cried. Becas I knew. The doctors called us in and asked us if we should save my brothers life as he would be in coma. Then i looked at my parents and said, "what's the point if he's gonna be physically and not be able to move around.He has already suffered more than enough" My parents agreed with me. And decided not to rescue him. Later that evening, my maid told me, it's not my fault. I didn't do anything. In my heart I said, "You didn't do anything, that why it's your fault! You were supposed to care for him not WATCH TV" But I didn't say it to her. At 7.45pm, my brother passes away.

That night I was praying at home when i received a call asking for my brothers' BC number. Ihad a very bad feeling. When my parents came back, I knew it. My brother was gone. I didn't cry. Just when to the playground, my maid accompanied me. She told me "It's not my fault but your brother's. Why didn't he wait for me to leave then die." SHE HAD THE NERVE TO SAY THAT TO ME. I was pissed off. How could she say that!? But i didn't say anything. 'Caz I was younger than her.

After the funeral was over, she went to take care a old man or woman. I forgot. But I only know that my brother didn't die of the disease but of the infection.

I wish that wherever he is I hope that he is happy and healthy.
May Waheguru always be with him.

2007-07-31T21:23:00.000-07:00